|Guidelines for Getting to Know Each Other|
|Sikh Matrimonials is a marriage service. People who post listings are seriously looking for a life-long, committed, legal marriage. Yet, in this day and age, how does one get to know someone else for the purposes of marriage without getting trapped in the dating game? Well - we've developed a 21st century, marriage-only protocol that may be useful for you. |
1. Know what you want.
Know what you want before you begin your search. If you would like to clarify this for yourself, read our section What Are You Looking for in a Marriage Partner. This will help you develop an idea of what type of person would make a good life-long partner for you.
2. Create a good listing.
You want other people to have a good sense of who you are from reading your listing. A listing that honestly represents who you are and has integrity and character will attract responses from people who are serious about marriage. For tips on how to create a good listing, see How To Create a Good Listing.
3. Matchmaker and Initial Contact
Once you have found someone you would like to contact, Sikh Matrimonials gives you a chance to initiate contact for free. Through our internal communication network, you can forward a link to your profile and let someone know that you are interested in getting to know them better
Coming Soon! Sikh Matrimonials has developed a special pyramid Matchmaker that can show your compatibility with another member in areas of values, personality and interests.
4. Email Correspondence
An email correspondence will help you determine if you are interested in meeting the person one-on-one. Take the time to ask the questions that really matter, questions that, based on the other person's response, will tell you if this person is worth a further investment of your time and attention. Be honest in your own responses. Be straight, direct, simple, courteous and kind. Don't feel obligated to reveal anything you are not yet comfortable revealing. And if, at some point, you decide that this is not the person for you, thank them for writing to you and tell them in a kind and respectful way that you've decided this isn't the correct match for you.
Most people who are serious will be honest with you in their answers. However, there are a small minority of people who like to "play games" with others. Take your time and remember the axiom, "Better safe than sorry."
5. Talking over the telephone
If, however, you are satisfied by the answers received through email that this person is a possible match for you, talk to them on the telephone. This is a more interactive way to get to know someone and will allow you to build a more personal connection. You can tell a lot about a person through the telephone and the sound of his or her voice. Get to know each other – your likes, your dislikes, your day to day routines. Again, take your time, take it slow and don't feel pressured to give any information until you feel comfortable. Let the trust between you grow over time so that both people can feel confident walking forward together.
6. Meet in person
If the phone conversations are promising, now is the time to meet each other face to face. This is where the jump from "virtual" connection to potential mate is tricky and requires clarity and discipline on your part. If you are ready to meet the person – then do so. But have some ground rules for yourself. In keeping with the instruction of the Gurus, Sikh Matrimonials highly recommends that there is no or only minimal sexual activity between the two parties until they are married. Let the personal meeting allow you to get to know the person even better, but not in a sexual way. This is respectful and keeps the intention of your actions clear – that you are getting to know each other for the purposes of deciding whether or not to get married. It is also helpful to bring at least one trusted friend or family member along with you to the meeting. Having a neutral third party will help you assess your potential mate.
Again - no matter how careful you may be through email and the telephone, be sure to stay safe as you take the step to meeting someone in person. The world today is full of people who do not have the best of intentions at heart. Stay alert, take your time and be careful. For more information, read our section on Staying Safe.
7. Set a timeline on getting to know one another
Mutually agree upon a time frame whereby both of you should have enough information about whether or not to get married. Six months. A year. Two years. If you speak about it and agree before hand, this prevents anyone from feeling "led on." It is possible that you may decide in a shorter time frame that the two of you are not a good match. But put a time cap on it so that a decision is made by a certain period and, if the answer is no, both parties are free to look for another person.
8. Find ways to see how the other person acts
It's easy through the telephone, the email and through meeting for lunch and dinner to talk and make a good impression. But the truth of a person is in how he or she acts in day to day life. Do projects together, or some volunteer work. Visit each other at work – see how your potential mate interacts with his or her coworkers. Meet each other's family and watch the behavior with the family members. This will give you a much better idea of the person's communication style, how reliable they are, how they act with other people. All of this is important in a marriage.
9. Before making a final decision, have a series of talks to discuss the serious questions.
Marriages are built from shared values, shared vision and a commitment of unity. It is an institution that has to stand the test of time, the ups, the downs, the difficulties, the joys. Before you make the final decision, sit down with each other and honestly discuss all aspects of your married life together. Sikh Matrimonials has a special section, Serious Questions Before Making the Final Decision, that can help you and your potential mate decide whether marriage is truly the right decision for you.
10. Get Married
What is a Sikh wedding? What is the meaning of the Lavan? Click here to learn more.
11. Keep growing
Even after your marriage, make a commitment to yourself to keep growing as a person and to bring new life and richness into your marriage on a continual basis.
If you have any suggestions for how we can improve our Guidelines for Getting to Know Each Other, let us know. We're always open to ideas on how to make your experience with Sikh Matrimonials a success.